By Randal Snyder, Copyright 2006
Having a hard time impregnating your woman? Having to fantasize about elves and dwarfs to have a good time? Then we have the solution for you!!!
Our crack team of gnomish inventers have constructed the Erectile-Dysfunction-Discombobulator to solve your cravings. Simply strap yourself and your partner into the EDD which conveniently folds up to fit in the courtyard of a standard issue keep and you can have the love life of your dreams.
First, our gnomish illusionists have infused the device with spells such as Grease, Enlarge, Bigby’s Helpful Hand, Unseen Servant, and our very own proprietary spell, Phantasmal Thriller.
Effects of our spells should not last longer than four hours. If you experience an “Enlargement” effect that lasts for more than four hours, please seek immediate mystical attention!
When encased in the EDD, the bells and whistles will sooth your troubles away and put you in the mood to copulate, and thanks to our infused illusions, your partner could be the ugliest half-orc in town and you wouldn’t care!!! In fact, our device is so well built it even signals your partner when you are getting excited with a built in Horn of Blasting. That way you both can announce your communion to the entire kingdom! No need to send scribes!
Think this deal is too good to be true? Just wait, there’s more!
If you send us a Whispering Wind in the next three months, we’ll throw in our specially made love sheep “Dolly”. She even bleats with glee and is Charmed to your special aura. Act now! Our gnomish diviners are standing by!
Makers of EDD are not responsible for accidental dismemberment, crushing wounds, or if you are trapped in the device. As with all mystical aid, you may suffer from various side effects including glowing, seeping, oozing, summoning of small furry rodents, upset stomach, nausea, increased heart rate, genital itching, or splinters. Please seek mystical divination before deciding if EDD is right for you.
As always, practice safe sex to prevent the spread of lice, soul switching, doppelgangers, harpies, and other unpleasantness. Makers of EDD always recommend you seek a cleric to Cure Disease before mating with a stranger.
If you would like a full page brochure, feel free to send a Whispering Wind to